I just read a great article by Tom Chiarella in this month’s Esquire. The prose was sharp, tight, and witty. I would love to be able to write a great sentence like that — where I can fully explain the scene and my emotions and the cause and effect, and keep it under seven words while still being funny.

I don’t think anyone can teach you how be a great writer, and that it comes naturally through practice. And I guess there are a lot of unseen re-writes, a lot of crap along the way to muddle through before you get that great sentence. It’s like the gold idol scene in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark: Indiana Jones has to navigate through booby traps and treasonous, backstabbing guides and killer spiders before he gets that little golden sentence… and at the end of the act he ends up losing it anyway to the rival French archaeologist. The rival is his editor.

To tell you the truth, I’ve been really enjoying the class, and I’ve been learning a lot more than just what goes into a stinger (brandy and white creme de menthe). Tomorrow is the big test, where I have to identify some types of liquors, fill in the ingredients for some specialty drinks, and do a practical test at the bar. Should be fun. Obviously (hopefully), this isn’t my next career, but I should make some decent cash.

http://www.newsday.com/video/?slug=ny-giants-parade-videos

$500 Patriots (-11.5) – LOSS
$500 Giants, first half (+7) – WIN
$200 Coin flip, heads – LOSS (wtf?? it’s ALWAYS heads)
$100 Total penalties, under 10 – WIN
$100 First score, NE Patriots FG (7/2) – LOSS
$100 Eli Manning, total pass attempts under 34.5 – WIN

OK, not as bad as I thought. After putting up 1500 bones, I finish down 100. Not terrible. Should’ve taken the Giants to cover like I originally wanted…

There was a parade in Manhattan today for the G-Men, and it’s also Fat Tuesday in New Orleans. And it’s also Super Tuesday. So I hope you’ve been gettin’ out the vote. Speaking of that, I’ve had an idea to spin off a politics-only blog from this one. I’m not sure about that yet, but I think it would be a cool idea as the primary season heats up and November draws closer. Hmmm. The more I think about it, the more I like it.

I’m also going to sign up for bartending school tomorrow as I continue to look for a job AND think about graduate school. I need some quick cash, and I like the whole idea of mixology, so why not? Looks like we hit all three categories (soon to be only 2???) in this post.

This is the biggest weekend of the year for sports betting. This is the Super Bowl of sports betting (ha ha, get it?). The best thing about betting on the Super Bowl is that there are so many different options for playing: you could bet on the game straight up, you could bet on the spread, the halftime spread, the total amount of rushing yards, passing yards, and return yards, you can even bet on the coin flip. Thus, I thought it would be fun to make my picks here, and then next week we’ll revisit them and see how many thousands I would have won (by the way, I’m taking the odds from various reputable sportsbook websites). This is all pretend money, of course, so I can be a little liberal with my spending.

My Super Bowl ticket:

$500 Patriots (-11.5)
$500 Giants, first half (+7)
$200 Coin flip, heads
$100 Total penalties, under 10
$100 First score, NE Patriots FG (7/2)
$100 Eli Manning, total pass attempts under 34.5

So that’s $1500 on the table. I predict I will win all of them. Unless the Pats cheat somehow and that causes me to lose most of my bets.

But an interesting thing happened: while everyone was expecting Hillary and Barack to go at each other’s throats, they each spent more time praising the other candidate, and acknowledging all the characteristics they have in common (hatred for Republicans was the one most mentioned).

At the end of the debate, Wolf Blitzer asked both candidates if they would ever consider having their counterpart as their running mate, to which the political geniuses in the audience cheered wildly. The idea was vaguely dismissed by Hillary and Obama, but the thought still lingered long after they were done complimenting each other.

To imagine such a ticket, Hillary-Obama/Obama-Hillary, is a little too much for me to swallow. A woman AND an African-American running for President/VP, against the “evil” Republicans. They would win by a landslide; we would have socialized healthcare in this country faster than Giuliani making another 9/11 reference. It would not inspire me with much confidence. And by much, I mean any.

Anyway, in my humble opinion, the Giants don’t have a chance. They certainly don’t have a chance to win, and they don’t even have a chance to cover the 11.5 points (the line opened closer to 13; I liked it at 13, I loved it at 13, even. But of course the bookies know what it’s all about). Big blue was extremely lucky to have ridden a momentum wave of road victories into and through the playoffs, but a week off filled with distractions, pomp and circumstance, media relations, etc, is a momentum killer if I’ve ever seen one. And you just know Bill Belichick is using this extra week of preparation to examine every possible angle, every minute detail there is that will complete a formula for absolutely obliterating the Giants. Hell, he played against them once already a mere month ago. That was a scrimage for him in preparation for this game.

A noble effort getting to the big game, but the Giants lose. Call it 34-17 Pats. A perfect season, one that I both loathe and respect.One year my kids will ask me what it was like to witness a perfect season in the NFL. I’ll say, well, I sure hated those rat bastards, but I’m glad I got to see it.