How do you become a good writer?

And how do you define what a good writer is?

I just read a great article by Tom Chiarella in this month’s Esquire. The prose was sharp, tight, and witty. I would love to be able to write a great sentence like that — where I can fully explain the scene and my emotions and the cause and effect, and keep it under seven words while still being funny.

I don’t think anyone can teach you how be a great writer, and that it comes naturally through practice. And I guess there are a lot of unseen re-writes, a lot of crap along the way to muddle through before you get that great sentence. It’s like the gold idol scene in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark: Indiana Jones has to navigate through booby traps and treasonous, backstabbing guides and killer spiders before he gets that little golden sentence… and at the end of the act he ends up losing it anyway to the rival French archaeologist. The rival is his editor.

What’ll it be, boss?

I’ve been practicing saying that all this week as I attended bartending school down in Toms River. I’ve been unemployed for almost three months, I have no cash, and let’s face it: I need a job. I’ve always been interested in bartending (and by that I mean I like to look at hot bartenders while I binge drink at a bar), so I figured, what the hell?

To tell you the truth, I’ve been really enjoying the class, and I’ve been learning a lot more than just what goes into a stinger (brandy and white creme de menthe). Tomorrow is the big test, where I have to identify some types of liquors, fill in the ingredients for some specialty drinks, and do a practical test at the bar. Should be fun. Obviously (hopefully), this isn’t my next career, but I should make some decent cash.

Idiots Go Crazy, Destroy Cars at Giants Parade

I just came across this amateur video from the Giants’ ticker tape parade this morning. In the video you will see thugs stomping on roofs of cars, buses, cabs, and even police vans. A few of the morons even try to smash windshields using the elbows. This is an absolute disgrace, and looks more LA instead of Downtown Manhattan. The winners really came out for this one.

http://www.newsday.com/video/?slug=ny-giants-parade-videos

The Daily Paulitics

I decided to pursue the idea of a spin-off political blog. It’ll be a little more professional, a little less personal, but just as much fun. It will also probably updated more than this one with some late-breaking political commentary. As such, there will be no more political posts on here, but just click the link to the right –> to check out my “paulitical” commentary.

Place your Bets II

Like I said, I’m happy the Giants won, but now I have to tabulate how much I would have lost with my horrible picks. It is looking ugly. Here are the results:

$500 Patriots (-11.5) – LOSS
$500 Giants, first half (+7) – WIN
$200 Coin flip, heads – LOSS (wtf?? it’s ALWAYS heads)
$100 Total penalties, under 10 – WIN
$100 First score, NE Patriots FG (7/2) – LOSS
$100 Eli Manning, total pass attempts under 34.5 – WIN

OK, not as bad as I thought. After putting up 1500 bones, I finish down 100. Not terrible. Should’ve taken the Giants to cover like I originally wanted…

Super/Fat/Celebration Tuesday

Well, I was wrong about the Super Bowl. Unbelievably, incomprehensibly wrong. And that’s A-OK with me. I am very happy that the Giants won the game, knocking off the Patriots* and rendering their 18-0 (now 18-1) record absolutely meaningless. Congrats to the Giants, maybe us Jets fans will get a break one of these days.

There was a parade in Manhattan today for the G-Men, and it’s also Fat Tuesday in New Orleans. And it’s also Super Tuesday. So I hope you’ve been gettin’ out the vote. Speaking of that, I’ve had an idea to spin off a politics-only blog from this one. I’m not sure about that yet, but I think it would be a cool idea as the primary season heats up and November draws closer. Hmmm. The more I think about it, the more I like it.

I’m also going to sign up for bartending school tomorrow as I continue to look for a job AND think about graduate school. I need some quick cash, and I like the whole idea of mixology, so why not? Looks like we hit all three categories (soon to be only 2???) in this post.

Place Your Bets

I love to bet on sports. Generally, I find gambling enjoyable, and I like to play poker, blackjack, and craps, but my real weakness is sports handicapping. Unfortunately, I’ve only been to Vegas once, so I’ve only bet on sports ONCE (ahem), but I like to think about what I would bet if I could, and then see how I would have done.

This is the biggest weekend of the year for sports betting. This is the Super Bowl of sports betting (ha ha, get it?). The best thing about betting on the Super Bowl is that there are so many different options for playing: you could bet on the game straight up, you could bet on the spread, the halftime spread, the total amount of rushing yards, passing yards, and return yards, you can even bet on the coin flip. Thus, I thought it would be fun to make my picks here, and then next week we’ll revisit them and see how many thousands I would have won (by the way, I’m taking the odds from various reputable sportsbook websites). This is all pretend money, of course, so I can be a little liberal with my spending.

My Super Bowl ticket:

$500 Patriots (-11.5)
$500 Giants, first half (+7)
$200 Coin flip, heads
$100 Total penalties, under 10
$100 First score, NE Patriots FG (7/2)
$100 Eli Manning, total pass attempts under 34.5

So that’s $1500 on the table. I predict I will win all of them. Unless the Pats cheat somehow and that causes me to lose most of my bets.

Hillary + Obama

Last night was the final Democratic debate before Super Tuesday. Held at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood and hosted by CNN, you better believe that all the left-wing Hollywood nutjobs were in attendance, praising the candidates and themselves for being such warriors for the middle and lower class. Both candidates pledged that would raise taxes for those who make more than $250,000 yearly, and all the millionaires in the audience couldn’t stop thinking how great it would be to write checks on behalf of their choking liberal guilt.

But an interesting thing happened: while everyone was expecting Hillary and Barack to go at each other’s throats, they each spent more time praising the other candidate, and acknowledging all the characteristics they have in common (hatred for Republicans was the one most mentioned).

At the end of the debate, Wolf Blitzer asked both candidates if they would ever consider having their counterpart as their running mate, to which the political geniuses in the audience cheered wildly. The idea was vaguely dismissed by Hillary and Obama, but the thought still lingered long after they were done complimenting each other.

To imagine such a ticket, Hillary-Obama/Obama-Hillary, is a little too much for me to swallow. A woman AND an African-American running for President/VP, against the “evil” Republicans. They would win by a landslide; we would have socialized healthcare in this country faster than Giuliani making another 9/11 reference. It would not inspire me with much confidence. And by much, I mean any.

My Take on this Super Bowl…

… but as a diehard Jets fan, who really cares? Am I right?

Anyway, in my humble opinion, the Giants don’t have a chance. They certainly don’t have a chance to win, and they don’t even have a chance to cover the 11.5 points (the line opened closer to 13; I liked it at 13, I loved it at 13, even. But of course the bookies know what it’s all about). Big blue was extremely lucky to have ridden a momentum wave of road victories into and through the playoffs, but a week off filled with distractions, pomp and circumstance, media relations, etc, is a momentum killer if I’ve ever seen one. And you just know Bill Belichick is using this extra week of preparation to examine every possible angle, every minute detail there is that will complete a formula for absolutely obliterating the Giants. Hell, he played against them once already a mere month ago. That was a scrimage for him in preparation for this game.

A noble effort getting to the big game, but the Giants lose. Call it 34-17 Pats. A perfect season, one that I both loathe and respect.One year my kids will ask me what it was like to witness a perfect season in the NFL. I’ll say, well, I sure hated those rat bastards, but I’m glad I got to see it. 

What are you lookin’ at?

So, welcome to my blog. I love sports, I love politics, and I’m living a life with seemingly no direction. Sit back and enjoy.